BISTROTHEQUE...IS THAT SPANISH FOR HIP URBAN UBER BRUNCH!?!?!

Food: 9
Atmosphere: 6
Service: 8
Value for Money: 7
Toilets: 7

OVERALL: 7.5

Hello there all my dedicated followers, have you missed me? All zero of you! Writing this blog with no followers, is like reading a speech to a thousand deaf people. I am right in front of the world, but lost in the dark abyss of the tinterwibble! HELLOOOO... IS ANY BODY OUT THERE....
... like any good player the show must go on...
Well me and my favorite assistant eggs benedictine ventured to Bistrotheque, a restaurant situated off the Cambridge Heath Road, down a small side street- and to most middle class whites like myself, one cant help thinking a mugger monkey, or other such terrifying creature lurks down this murderous passage. Having made it safely down the twenty feet of treacherous east london cracked pavement, we arrive at a small very abstruse doorway. May be this is a defensive mechanism, like an octopus blending into its surroundings to camouflage itself from the danger that lurks all around. You can only capture the octopus if you know its there, and for us it took a few laps of the street until we uncovered it.
We take the thin staircase up to the restaurant that looks over the beautiful views of the polish supermarket- wonderful! The room was full of a very eclectic congregation; to our left an obese couple (loud and American(face smack), and to our right a double date of mature kids. I say mature kids as they were all past the thirty bracket, but with hair styles and outfits of a healthy east London teenager- spray on jeans, and clumps of hair missing- double wonderful!
The main feature of this large room, is its whiteness (is whiteness a word?), the room is very white, with white walls, white floors, and white waiters, in white outfits- white! This gave the room a cold, stiff feeling, like a morgue, only instead of having dead bodies it had deliriously scrumptious food. Good god man the food was scrumptious. The juices were super fresh and divine, the blood marys were a very popular option- nearly every table had a fresh, erect, celery pretruding from a large blood red jug of hangover cure.
The waiters were a friendly hip bunch (all very much locally sourced), and the service was tres vite as our friends across the channel would say. Our eggs benedict arrived, and we begun our feast. We both chose our dear friend the benedict as the cmenu was very limited, and not the most exciting of options, all very simple; bacon sandwich, full english (which was not very full), avocado on toast etc.
The eggs arrived and the feast began. The muffins were toasted to perfection, the eggs were beautiful, and the sauce was light, fresh, and had just enough to not drown the other tastes in its wake as it glided around the eggs. We both opted for the large portions, this was simply two eggs and two muffins, not a super sized freak egg, which was so powerful it roll off your plate and escape, to later be discovered on the 9 o'clock news having overturned a small government, and rule as a dictator for many years, until the UN sent it a letter telling it to stop. This was what I was hoping for. The food was finished, and as the ast mouth full was placed into my cohorts mouth, a swarm of waiters descended upon us offering coffee, teas and cleaning away the dishes. We opted for the bill and a toilet check. The toilets are found near the entrance, and similar to Luxe's glory pots, these also felt like club toilets. They did not feel particularly clean, or private, the men felt rather exposed as only a small slab of wall separated then piddling men from the unisex entrance. The saving grace of the bathrooms were he scribblings on the walls- how very rock'n'roll. I wont ruin the fun for you, you will just have to see for yourself. My final say on Bistrotheque is that it is trying to be a bit too urban for its own good, but its saving grace in the end is the quality of its food and drink!

THE LUXE, Spitalfields

Food: 8
Atmosphere: 7
Service: 7
Value for Money: 7
Toilets: 6

OVERALL: 7


The Luxe, located on the Commercial Street side of Spitalfields market,was not the first choice for the opening of this blog, but Bistrotheque, also located on London's super hip eastside, happened to be closed...shame I hear nothing but good things...

The Luxe is owned by Master Chef judge John Torode, and having not been wowed like the rest by his Smiths of Smithfields, I was not sure what to expect with his newest venture, but you never know so here we go -->

As I have named myself after the sweet nectar that is Eggs Benedict, I felt this would be the most apt opener. My brunch minion, or as a young hipster would say;'BM', went for the Eggs Florentine.
The place is light, spacious, the tables were comfy and the staff friendly, and cheerful- a good start by all accounts. The style, and layout of the building was true to its original; keeping the feel of an old fire station, and flower shop- a fire flower station shop feel, is how it should be described.
The juices were super fresh, magical and wildly satisfying. The food, well, we could not agree on. For me the Eggs Benedict were the BEST I HAVE EVER HAD, and I have had alot! The two eggs were done to perfection! and the muffin was wonderfully toasted. The Holondaise sauce was perfect, completely faultless, except for the fact that I was left craving more! The spinach in the dear Florentine was fresh and soft. The only let down was that the food should have been warmer. It took a little while to get to the table, even though the restaurant was practically empty, so there was no real excuse for the food to not be piping hot. The service was generally slow throughout the morning, the place felt a little understaffed.
The key feature, and fulcrum between enjoying a dinner, and loving a dinner is of course, the toilets! They are situated in the downstairs club/bar section, and so have a dark club feel to them. Which really clashes with the sunny, yumminess being experienced above ground by me and my fellow brunchers. They should really have invested in another set of poo holes.
The total cost for what the two of us had felt a little overpriced but only £5 more than would be what I would expect to pay.

Overall this was a lovely morning breakfast, the place was not too busy the food was great, the service could have been better, and I look forward to returning when the quest for the best brunch in town has been completed.

Welcome to Mr. Eggs Benedict III's Guide to London's Best and Worst Brunch Spots

This blog by me, Eggs Benedict III, is about more than just the finest eggs Benedict in town, but the finest all round brunch stops in our beloved Londinium. Me and my dedicated team of Brunch minions, will be scouring the darkest depths, every hidden nook and cranny, no stone unturned metaphor, metaphor, simile etc... tickling our pallets with the best, and worst of British brunchons. Every Saturday The Brunch pack will be heading to a different venue, and there will be four key score points, and an overall: FOOD, ATMOSPHERE, SERVICE, VALUE FOR MONEY, OVERALL.

Now readers, read on, let your the words make your taste buds tingle, and your mouth water, your spirit of adventure get you out of bed on the weekend. LET THE BRUNCH REVOLUTION BEGIN.