BISTROTHEQUE...IS THAT SPANISH FOR HIP URBAN UBER BRUNCH!?!?!

Food: 9
Atmosphere: 6
Service: 8
Value for Money: 7
Toilets: 7

OVERALL: 7.5

Hello there all my dedicated followers, have you missed me? All zero of you! Writing this blog with no followers, is like reading a speech to a thousand deaf people. I am right in front of the world, but lost in the dark abyss of the tinterwibble! HELLOOOO... IS ANY BODY OUT THERE....
... like any good player the show must go on...
Well me and my favorite assistant eggs benedictine ventured to Bistrotheque, a restaurant situated off the Cambridge Heath Road, down a small side street- and to most middle class whites like myself, one cant help thinking a mugger monkey, or other such terrifying creature lurks down this murderous passage. Having made it safely down the twenty feet of treacherous east london cracked pavement, we arrive at a small very abstruse doorway. May be this is a defensive mechanism, like an octopus blending into its surroundings to camouflage itself from the danger that lurks all around. You can only capture the octopus if you know its there, and for us it took a few laps of the street until we uncovered it.
We take the thin staircase up to the restaurant that looks over the beautiful views of the polish supermarket- wonderful! The room was full of a very eclectic congregation; to our left an obese couple (loud and American(face smack), and to our right a double date of mature kids. I say mature kids as they were all past the thirty bracket, but with hair styles and outfits of a healthy east London teenager- spray on jeans, and clumps of hair missing- double wonderful!
The main feature of this large room, is its whiteness (is whiteness a word?), the room is very white, with white walls, white floors, and white waiters, in white outfits- white! This gave the room a cold, stiff feeling, like a morgue, only instead of having dead bodies it had deliriously scrumptious food. Good god man the food was scrumptious. The juices were super fresh and divine, the blood marys were a very popular option- nearly every table had a fresh, erect, celery pretruding from a large blood red jug of hangover cure.
The waiters were a friendly hip bunch (all very much locally sourced), and the service was tres vite as our friends across the channel would say. Our eggs benedict arrived, and we begun our feast. We both chose our dear friend the benedict as the cmenu was very limited, and not the most exciting of options, all very simple; bacon sandwich, full english (which was not very full), avocado on toast etc.
The eggs arrived and the feast began. The muffins were toasted to perfection, the eggs were beautiful, and the sauce was light, fresh, and had just enough to not drown the other tastes in its wake as it glided around the eggs. We both opted for the large portions, this was simply two eggs and two muffins, not a super sized freak egg, which was so powerful it roll off your plate and escape, to later be discovered on the 9 o'clock news having overturned a small government, and rule as a dictator for many years, until the UN sent it a letter telling it to stop. This was what I was hoping for. The food was finished, and as the ast mouth full was placed into my cohorts mouth, a swarm of waiters descended upon us offering coffee, teas and cleaning away the dishes. We opted for the bill and a toilet check. The toilets are found near the entrance, and similar to Luxe's glory pots, these also felt like club toilets. They did not feel particularly clean, or private, the men felt rather exposed as only a small slab of wall separated then piddling men from the unisex entrance. The saving grace of the bathrooms were he scribblings on the walls- how very rock'n'roll. I wont ruin the fun for you, you will just have to see for yourself. My final say on Bistrotheque is that it is trying to be a bit too urban for its own good, but its saving grace in the end is the quality of its food and drink!